Cabin Fever & This Golfer’s Prayer for Springtime

Even with her all-weather coat and 4-paw drive, this weather is even starting to weigh on my faithful sidekick.

Even with her all-weather coat and 4-paw drive, this weather is even starting to weigh on my faithful sidekick.

It has been a long, white winter here in Central Kentucky, which has included record low temperatures and more snow and ice than anytime in my 17 years in Lexington.  We’ve endured weeks on end of overcast skies before, but it’s hard to find anyone that recalls a harsher Kentucky winter with more brutal conditions than this season’s brutality.  Frankly, I think all the frigidity and snow is starting to drive people over the edge of civility towards anger and anarchy.

Sure, we all get a little cabin fever when the green of our lawn is replaced with endless snow cover reflecting off grayed skies.  But I saw something today that made me think that there could be serious societal repercussions upon us all if the blooms and greenery of springtime don’t arrive in short order.

You're Number One!

You’re Number One!

As I was attempting to vacate an icy parking lot of a local restaurant, there were two cars in line in front of me waiting to exit onto the main road.  The guy at the front of the line wasn’t moving fast enough for the lady behind him, so she decided to lay on her horn to demonstrate her displeasure.

I rate what happened next as epic in the history of smart-ass responses.  Instead of jolting out into traffic, smashing the woman’s windshield, or flying the international signal for “You’re Number One!,” my man pulled off the best Road-non-Rage move I’ve ever witnessed.

The names and images of the actual participants has been changed to protect the humorless and enraged.

The names and images of the actual participants have been changed to protect the humorless and enraged.

He calmly exited his car, walked directly to the lady’s driver side window, and handed her a copy of the Kentucky Driver’s Manual!  You know, that little booklet produced by the KY State Police issued to every 16 year old to study before taking their driver’s license exam?  His target audience of one was left dumbfounded, to say the least.

Seriously, who the hell keeps copies of the driving handbook in their car, ready for distribution to the unsuspecting public?  Our man also gently suggested she read that little book before rushing to judgment of anyone else’s driving decisions or techniques.

Unamused, the woman was determined to ruin his drop-the-mic moment.  Before he could get back into her car, she promptly rear-ended his car as a symbol of her continuing disapproval, and her obvious lack of a sense of humor.  Luckily, as I burst into laughter, both drivers pulled away, presumably putting an end to the would be developing situation.

Really, who just has copies of this floating around their car "just in case?"

Really, who just has copies of this floating around their car “just in case?”

I’d like to think we can blame the continuing snow fall and dreary conditions for that woman’s rage.  That the Bluegrass region has turned into a permafrost area has taken its toll on all of us.  Maybe she has a house full of small children that have only been to school ten days since the Christmas break, and she finally snapped.

And I’d like to think the situation would have been approached differently if it had been 65 degrees and sunny in Lexington for the past two weeks, instead of becoming a permanent Winter Storm Warning zone.

Much like our Road Rage Ruby today, winter is a disease that can be devastating for a golfer.  The only remedy for this malady is the promise of warmer temperatures, abundant sunshine, and lush green fairways.

So with that, I’d like to encourage all of you to say a little prayer to Saint Sebaldus, the patron saint against cold and cold weather, so that he will please, please bring us an early spring this year.

St. Sebaldus, we pray for you to bring an expedited end to this endlessly dreary, frigid, and snow-filled winter and return us to the warmth and grace of green grass fairways and smooth rolling greens on all 18 holes.


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